Hello, dear reader. Yet another communique from PMS land (see post from June, 2011, "The Angels Singing"-- http://www.horaksnacks.blogspot.ca/2011/06/angels-singing.html). Warning, this post may contain violent language and scary imagery. And kids, don't do this at home...
What is Brainicide?
Brainicide is a kind of uncontrollable self-mutilation that happens in your head, with negative talk of all kinds surfacing simultaneously from every moment of self doubt and poor self esteem you have ever had. It can build in a slow crescendo or erupt suddenly without warning into your neurological synapses. It hammers at you as mercilessly as a TV crime series: violent, bloody, relentless; next episode, next episode, next episode... it self perpetuates and is hard to interrupt. Next episode "I will neeeeever be loved"; next episode, "I will neeeever find someone"; next episode, "I'm so faaaat and ooooold"; next episode, "I'm soooo loooonely!"; next episode, "Oh why, god? (dramatic sigh)"; next episode, "I'm soooo STUCK!"; next episode, "Move over asshole! (Man I'm such a hater...) next episode, Blah, Blah, Blah!!! The guy is being tortured, the girl is running for her life, there are kids being beaten in the back alley, cats being boiled for sport; Brainicide is vicious, and cruel, and shows no restraint, remorse or release (you gotta watch the break out of jail shows for that...). One must clench ones teeth and somehow live through it.
Brainicide masks itself as normal life thinking, which is its main weapon. But if you name it for its psychotic self it has a little less destructive power. Maybe put off some decisions, reschedule a hard conversation with that friend/colleague/dater/client... don't subject yourself to much expectation during a Brainicide bout and try not to commit any 'cide of any other kind including suicide, homicide, pesticide, cyanide... Don't blame anyone for Brainicide: not yourself, not him or her, not god, not the dog, not the kids, especially not the kids. Brainicide exists because hell exists, because evil exists and one only has to keep patient terrorized brain vigil until it passes on to other phases, which it inevitably does. As for mitigating remedies, lots of protein, staying warm, exercise if you can manage it, and screaming and crying in moments of private release will all help. You've got to parent yourself through this shit-- whatever your Brainicide be, this is the time for maturity, wisdom, and faith. So call it forth, trust and yield to Brainicide's nasty medicine to a reasonable degree, and hope to god your head will not explode.